My Words

Poland

I had no idea what I was going to see when I got on the plane to go on the March. Yes, they had prepared us the best that they could and I had read the books, seen the movies, and heard the stories. Despite all that, nothing can prepare you for what you will see with your own two eyes. Until I got off the bus in Warsaw, the events that make up the Holocaust were just history... intangable... almost unreal. Even looking back on it all these years later I still have to look at the pictures to make sure it wasn't just a dream.

Poland itself was depressing. It was early spring so it was still cold. Poland is a poor country so there aren't a lot of expensive or nice things. I think back and all I can remember is everything in shades of gray. The only color being us with our blue jackets. Later one someone once said that it is hard to see color when you have tears in your eyes, maybe that was what happened. Our first stop was a Jewish cemetary that had been around since before the war and was still used. It was suggested that we find a grave that help meaning for us and place a stone on it. Why a stone? It is a way to honor the memory of the person burried there. I dfound a woman named Sara and placed my stone on her grave. After that we went into what was the ghetto. Our tour guide pointed out that you could see the original foundation of the buildings that had been leveled during bombings. We also went into a synogogue... Orthodox. Things still hadn't hit me even when we wandered through the city. The only thing I kept asking myself was why was this sity sop pretty when it had been the place of so much destruction. Now I realize that night has a way of hiding the imperfections of things and can make anything seem beautiful.

The next day we got on the bus and went to Kracow and stoped at Treblinka. The weather help create the mood: cold and rainy. No matter what happened we would definatly not enjoy this camp. This is when I start to realize what I was going to see. We were in this forest of sorts. All that is there now are memorials to everything....the burned bodies, the railroad tracks, the communities destroyed, you would never believe that it was a place of death. I got sick as well and had to be given something to make me feel better. It knocked me out and I slept almost the entire trip to Kracow.

Day three was the day of the actual march from Aushwitz to Birkenau. The tone was set when I lost my camera and Heather's broke, there by garunteeing that I would not have any pictures. We woke up to snow which once again hid the ugliness of hatred. Before we went to the camps we stoped in the Old City where the Cracow ghetto was located. You can see this ghetto in Schindler's List. When we got back on the bus we were given wooden plaques to write a dedication on. I dedicated mine to my great-grand parents who were lucky enough o be in America and to my mother who thinks she will never be able to make this trip. On the other side I wrote "To the 6 million burned by the flames of hatred. Your voices and souls are in the voices and souls of the participants of the March of the Living 1994". The March was very significant for everyone, even those who were not participants. While I was walking there was a woman, not part of our group, who was walking as well. She was going at a faster pace though, so she wouldn't be associated with us. There were other residents standing by their homes watching us. I just held my head a little higher and kept telling myself that each step brought me closer to the end. I wonder if thats what the prisoners were thinking as well. When we got to Birkenau I sat on the railroad tracks and took everything in. I lit a few candles and placed my plaque right in the spot I sat in. I also took a stone to remember the day by.

On Friday we went back to Aushwitz and Birkenau to actually tour the camps. Aushwitz looks like a college campus. We went from bunker ot bunker looking at the museum there. We stoped to look at this case of suitcases and I saw one with my name on it. Suddenly I could see myself in the camps and I knew I would have not made it. I broke down and had to leave the room in tears. When I finally pulled myself together I re-joined my group in another room. When I got into the room I first went to a case of childrens clothing. There I saw many outfits that had been hand knitted. It reminded me of my grandmother who always knits me sweaters and other things. Even the scarf I had brought with me was made by her. I held the scarf and started to cry. I had to leave the buidling before the rest of the group. When we got to Birkenau I was too emotionally exhausted to cry anymore. I noticed that there were houses around the camp and I wondered how people could live next to this place knowing what happened. Then birds started singing and I wondered how they could do that in this place. When we left I made a promise to myself that I would write about what happend to me. This way once the survivors die there will be others out there who know what it is like to sit in these camps and people would be able to read about how it changed our lives as well.

Saturday was Shabbat so we spent it relaxing at the hotel. On Sunday we spent our last day in Poland at Lubin and Majdanek. They told us that Majdanek can be up and running again in less than 48 hours. The thing that first hit me hard at the camp was three barracks full of shoes. I couldn't even go through the last one becaue I was so upset. Later on someone told me that it was full of childrens shoes and if the first two barracks had upset me that much then the last would have been worse. There was a huge mosoleum full of human ashes and you could see the town of Lubin from the camp. We had a finial program and we left the camp to go to Israel.

Israel 

I don't think I would have been able to fully appreciate the beauty of Israel if I had not come from Poland. I was so happy when we got off the plane that I was once again crying. Our first stop after breakfast was an industrial park that had many antique cars and sculptures. After this we took a bus up to the Israel.Lebennon boarder to stay on a Kibbutz for the night. One of the members spoke to us about terrorism and safe boarders. That night we had a BBQ with a whole bunch of MOTL participants.

The second day of our trip was spent enrout to Jerusalem with a stop in Safed. Safed is a very mystical city and there are a lot of interesting things that have happened there. You can see bullet holes in some of the buildings from wars that have taken place there. We also got to see the Golan Hights and take a jeep ride up to the top. It was incredible to stand on the top amoung all the wonderful colors that surrounded us. For a moment I forgot how miserable Poland had been.

Upon entering Jerusalem you notice that all the buildings are made of a golden stone. This is Jerusalem stone and the law requires every buiding in the city to be made out of this stone. To drive in and see this make you think the entire city is made out of actual gold because it sparkles in the sun. We were taken to a hotel just outside the city and after dinner we went to an assembly with all the other MOTL participants. It was rather dull and I fell asleep.

The next day we toured the city starting with Ammunition Hill. It was at 11:00 that day that they blew the horn so people knew to pause to remember the fallen soilders since it was Yom HaZikaron (Israel's Memorial Day). The entire city just stops for a minute so that you can remember those who fought for Israel's independance. We had been on our way to the Kotel at that moment. When we got there someone told us that you get from the wall what you bring to it. I was bringing a loss of faith in humanity, anger, confusion, and sadness. As I walked up to the Wall, I looked with amazement at the holiest place in the world for the Jews. I found my eyes getting watery and at that moment all my anger, confusion, and depression left me. As I looked around at all the people praying I began to have faith in humanity again. We had lunch at a memorial for JFK. After lunch we went to a cemetary for Israelie soilders and then to Yad Vashem. That night marked the begining of Yom HaAtzmaut, Israel's Independance Day. We joined in on a huge party ifn Jerusalem and had lots of fun!

The next few days were not as organized as the rest of trip had been. We went back to Jerusalem and the Old City. We toured all over the city from the Westbank to the Kenesset. We were also given time to shop. We had a free weekend that was spent in the hotel relaxing. On Saturday night after Shabbat ended we headed out to Masade to climb to the top and see the sun rise. We got there and saw a light show about what happened there and then we walked up to the top. We satand had our morning services and then walked around looking at the things they have uncovered at the site. The sunrise was awesome and you could see all the way to the Dead Sea once it was up. When we were done we walk down the snake path. We had breakfast and headed back to have more shopping time.

Our last day was spend driving back to the airport. We stoped at an Ulpan, a place where new immagrants stay to learn the language and to get settled. After we left there we went to Tel Aviv where we stoped at the Museum of the Diaspora and had lunch. We had time to shop there as well. That was our last stop. At that moment in time I wanted to stay in Israel and yet I also wanted to go home. I was torn about this until one of the guys onou rbus said that it felt like they were showing us only the "good" and "historical" part of the state to sell it to us and make us want to stay. On the flight home I thought about it and knew he was right. America was my home, it was what I knew and what made me happy. It was nice to visit Israel, but did I really want to stay forever?

Once I was at home I saw things through different eyes. I found it very hard to return to the innocent and naive life I had led. I turned more towards my religion and found that I was very happy discussing and learning about religions. I still want to return to Israel as a tourist and possibly return to Poland, I am just looking for the right time to do this.